


Stay!!!

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-20
Updated: 2011-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-03 03:35:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8694796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Jared has made a decision. A decision that that should have been the Best for the both of them. But why did it hurt so much?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Rating: R - NC-17  
>  Author: Sarenja  
> Translator: BineUnrivaled  
> Genre: Alternative Universe, Drama  
> Pairing: Jared/Jensen  
> Warnings: Schmoop, Angst, Drama, Hurt& Comfort, Songfic!!  
> Characters: Genevieve, Danneel, Harley, Sadie  
> Disclaimer: No Rights reserved by me. The boys are their own and the Song Rights are from the Band Hurts!  
> I'm just playing around and I will give them back! Promise...

  
  
  


Here he sat now, alone in the master bedroom, the bedroom that he and his best friend and partner had lived in together until a couple of hours ago. Only the rumpled sheets on the king sized bed were still an indication what had happened in the night. But nothing was left.

Lost in his thoughts he repeatedly ran his hands over his forehead and through his hair. This morning, he had made the biggest mistake in his life he could ever do. Not only that he had to keep his relationship a secret until now, that he had to date women that they had friendships with and nothing more... no, now he had to let him go - and why? So that the series could be continued? So that there would be no more rumours about him and his co-star?

Again he saw the hurt face of the blond in his mind, as he told him, that for him it was nothing more then sex. The green eyes were wet, wet with tears of incomprehension, the fear and wide open because he wouldn’t understand, no couldn’t understand, that there was never anything between them. “You can’t be serious...” Jen had said, and he? He was the biggest asshole that he ever witnessed and nodded. “What did you expect?!” he responded and kept his pokerface all the way through it. “Did you really think that I would throw away my career for you? For a couple of rumpled sheets and some hours of hot sex with you? Grow up Jen...” his words even hurt him, but he had to say them, there was no other way, was there? “Go and marry Danneel, marry her and show everybody that we’re not two pathetic fags who can’t keep their hands off of each other because they’re hot for each others asses... go...”

And he left, fighting his tears he had grabbed his clothes and looked back at him, already standing in the frame of the door, looked at him with his big, hurt eyes and disappeared. The door closed and Jared had to hold onto himseld not to follow him, to get him back, to tell him that everything was just a joke, and that they would be happy together til the end of their days. But they wouldn’t be. His manager had been right, they had to end it as long as they could, had to think of their careers and by god... He didn’t care about his career at all, sure, he liked his job, but he wouldn’t have cared to live and work as a mechanic in a small town, had he only Jensen by his site. But he couldn’t think of himself in this situation. Jensen loved his job, he merged in it and had he right to destroy all of it, because of their relationship and his feelings? Weren’t the rumours that they had tried to destroy with Danneel and Genevieve already danger enough for them to get exposed?

No, destiny had no future together planned for them and as much as he wished for it, Jensen wouldn’t come back...

Harley’s tongue that slipped over his fingers pulled him out of his musings and brought him to look up. This time it were his eyes that were filled with tears, looking to the door that Jensen had left through a couple of hours back. It wasn’t planned that they were more as best friends for each other, that they would live their lives together, so Jared was left, as he did now, by burrying his face in the sheets that still smelled of the blond and let his tears run free, as he hoped that Jensen would forgive him one day, that today he hadn’t only lied to him, but to himself as well...

  
  



	2. Chapter 1

  
Author's notes: Thanks to everyone for reading this story. Hope that you will like this one too :)

Hugs  
Sarenja  


* * *

  


Jared was glad that they were on vacation. After all he didn't have to look into Jensens eyes, didn't have to show him the cold shoulder or had to pretend that nothing had changed between them in front of the whole team. Nothing changed? Everything had changed between them. He didn't expect Jensen to meet him the same way on the set as ever, not in the least. No, their friendship had probably ended as apruptly as their relationship, but he didn't want to change it. The only thing that was left for him to do, was to hope that one day the blond would see why he had turned away from him, why he had thrown him out - out of his bedroom and out of his life.

How many times had he been watching the clouds in the last couple of days. His thoughts didn’t let him rest and more and more his life was about to become a mess. Clothes were thrown all around the house and the kitchensink looked like nobody had bothered to do the dishes for weeks, even though he normally was close to OCD when it came to cleaning. The only thing that Jared took care of these days were his dogs. Harley and Sadie weren’t at fault that their owner was the biggest fool in the universe, were they? They didn’t understand what went on with him when he was sitting there staring into nothingness, drinking beer after beer only to loose all his worries even if it was just for a couple of hours. They didn’t know either what was happening inside of him at night, when he was there, all alone, lying in the bed that he had shared with Jensen more times then he could count, the pillow and cover the only reminder that the other side of the bed belonged to someone else, still smelling of the man that he loved more than anything. He wished to god that he could keep the scent of the blond forever, that it would never disappear, but he knew that the scent of Jensen would disappear in only a few more days.

He’d spend days in his house, ignored calls, didn’t open the door and only spend his time in bed, his face pressed into Jensens pillow when he wasn’t sitting in the livingroom nuzzling a bottle of beer and thinking. Sure, thinging about what had happened wouldn't reduce the hole inside of him. It would only make it grow bigger and bigger, but he couldn't change it. Time and time again he had held the phone in his hand, his fingers already on the keys to call Jensen, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. He was sure that the blond didn’t want to hear from him, and he could understand it.

The three weeks of vacation passed by fast, the vacation that had been there to get rid of the stress that the shooting cost them but Jared had mixed feelings about the following day when they would definitely meet again.

After he had been unable to get rid of Genevieve and had to spend long hours listening to the litanies of why the house looked as if a bomb had hit it, he began to clean it - at least a little bit.He didn't have a choice. He had to bring himself to do it, even if it was difficult, even though he always passed by the photographs on which Jensen was laughing or gave a smile and even when pictures showed up in his mind, no matter where he looked.

He could see himself on the sofa, a smiling Jensen at his side. They watched some movies and he could nearly feel the warm body pressed up against him, fingers running absently over his own arm, which he had put around him on the picture in his head. Glancing into the kitchen he saw Jensen standing in front of the oven - cooking, saw him turning towards him with a smile on his face, saying that he loves him... that he loves him. He also loved the blonde - hell - but he had done the right thing doing as his Manager had told him, thinking about their future, thinking about that Jensen loved his job more than anything and dreamed about to get one of the big roles one day. But... if he had done the right thing, then why the hell was his heart telling him that it had been so fundamentally wrong? Why the hell did it hurt so much?

Once more he locked back the thoughts and images that were on his mind, returned to clean up although he didn't really noticed what he was doing and why. Did it even matter how it looked in the house? There would be no one to spend the evenings with him, for whom it would be worthwile to keep the place clean, no one for whom he should get shaved or should get himself back into a good shape, just to end up pressing himself against him, feel his skin all sweaty beneath the sheets. No - it was over.

His gaze wandered out into the garden, a place where they had spent a lot of time in summer. They had laid in the sun, laughing and fooling around, but now the sky was grey and it was raining. Without thinking twice he went to the terrace door, opened it and stepped on the terrace. On and on his feet carried him, out into the rain, until he finally stood in the middle of the lawn and looked up into the sky.

The rain mingled with his tears, soaked his clothes and finally flowed down his body in small rivulets.

 

 

The words just broke free and he didn't even care if somebody was able to listen. He called out to the sky filled of the hope that Jensen, wherever he was at the moment, could hear the words, that the wind would carry them to him and that they would show him how much Jared regretted that he had torn his heart, that he had to let him go.

Slowly, almost in slow motion, his knees gave way and finally touched the grass. His upper body convulsed slightly while he was still staring up in the grey, overcast sky, proclaiming the same words over and over again. He screamed out his feelings while more and more his tears mingled with the rain, his vision veiled, and the valve which he had held closed for three weeks opened and now his inmost broke in like a tidal wave.

He brought his hands to his face and finally he touchted the wet turf with his forehead and let himself fall to his side. No attention was paid to Harley and Sady who eyed him interested, coming towards their Lord slowly, whimpering softly and nudging him with their snouts to get him focused on them. Like a child he was lying on there in the pouring rain and cried out all the pain that he had been piling up since he had seen the hurt, disappointed, almost help-seeking eyes of his friend, the green in his eyes, which previously seemed so bright that he had forgotten everything around him.

Absently his right hand clutched the wet grass, his fingers pulling it out before he let it fall down carelessly, while his lips formed the same word over and over again.

“Jensen...”

 

 

  



End file.
